Mom's Best Backup Plan

Ten years ago, Kristine Breese found herself in a situation that turned out to be a wake-up call in more ways than one. At the age of 35, the mother of two went into cardiac arrest at her home in Carlsbad, Calif. And in that moment, Breese's first thought was not what you would expect."I thought ‘Who's going to give the kids dinner?’" she says. She was even thinking about the mac 'n' cheese dinners in the freezer as the paramedics wheeled her to the ambulance. 

Thankfully, Breese survived her ordeal, regained her health and today she is a successful writer and public speaker. But one thing she'll never forget is the fact that every mom needs a reliable backup plan to cover those unexpected moments when mom is not available. 

Whether it's a result of a surgery, as it was for Breese, or something more common such as a cold or flu, if you need time to rest and recover, make sure your backup plan is in place ahead of time. Check out these strategies and be prepared.

1. Learn to ask for help.
Some moms understandably have trouble asking for help."Moms push it to the limit," says Breese, author of Cereal for Dinner: Strategies, Shortcuts, and Sanity for Moms Battling Illness."When women start feeling bad, they don't cut down on their activities or turn to others. Things can quickly spiral out of control."  

Develop the skill of asking for help before you're in a crisis. For example, when someone offers to carry your groceries to the car, let them."You may feel silly at first. We're in that post-feminist generation where we're not supposed to let someone open the door for us, but asking for help doesn't have to be a statement about who you are as a woman," says Breese.

2. Set up a network of helpers.
You need to have a list of people to call when you need assistance. Set up a way to contact everyone quickly and easily. For instance, create an email list or Facebook group specifically for this purpose. Or set up a telephone tree where you call the first person on the list, they call the next person and so on. Think of it as your own personal "Emergency Response System." Then all you have to do is send one message or make one call to say, "Can you help me out and pick up my kids from school this afternoon? I have been flat on my back all day."

3. Ask for specific kinds of help.
Designate people to do specific tasks. For instance, ask a neighbor in advance if she'd be OK to cover carpool duties if you're in a pinch. Ask a girlfriend if she'd be willing to buy some groceries if you just can't manage a trip to the market.


You can even get the kids involved, in an age-appropriate way."Kids really respond when they can help," says Breese, who suggests making a game of it when you need help from younger kids. For instance, give them a "Do Not Disturb" sign to hang on your bedroom door or have them set a timer so they know how long mommy needs to rest.

4. Have a replacement on call.
You need several reliable baby sitters to call on. If you don't have any, try finding someone through a baby-sitting agency such as the Web site Sittercity, or a local church or college. Interview candidates and check references before you need them. Ideally, your baby sitters are familiar with your family and your home, and they have flexible schedules so they're likely to be available in an emergency. If your budget allows, set aside some cash and contacts for extra conveniences like a cleaning service or takeout meals when you really are down for the count.

5. Leave a paper trail.
Before you get sick, pretend you're going on vacation and write down everything a caregiver would need to know while you're away. Include essential phone numbers, information about kids' activities and schedules, medications, allergies, and other relevant details. Ideally, your regular baby sitters already know the drill, but it's good to have written instructions for reference. Keep this information in one place (try the fridge or the kitchen table), and be sure to update it often.

6. Stock your freezer.
While you're healthy, find some freezer-friendly recipes. Double them each time you cook, and freeze half. Or keep some commercially prepared meals on hand that a caregiver could easily pop in the oven or microwave.

7. Have confidence in your family.
Realize that things won't fall apart just because you're not directing the scenes. Sure, dad may not cut the crust off the bread when he packs lunches, and he may send Susie to school without brushing her hair. What's important is that he's getting the kids to school. If you make home-cooked meals but grandma takes the kids out for chicken nuggets, no permanent damage done. It's OK if your kids watch a bit (or even a lot) more TV while you're ill. Just remember the overarching goal: Giving mom a break so you can rest and rejuvenate.

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Simple Steps to Happiness

With the holidays done and spring months away, it can feel like there’s not much to smile about these days. But shaking off those winter blues may be as easy as making a few simple changes in your daily routine. To help you start smiling, we combed through the latest scientific research -- and came up with five research-backed moves to boost your mood. C’mon, get happy!

1. Step into the sun.
When it’s chilly out, spending time outside may be the last thing you want to do. But soaking up the sun’s rays can have a big impact on your mood, reveals a study published in the journal Lancet. Researchers found that brains produce more of the mood-boosting hormone serotonin on sunny days.

To ramp up your mental wellness, open your shades first thing in the morning. Bundle up and head on short walks outside or, on frigid days, find the sunniest spot in your home or office.

2. Snack on fruits and veggies.
On any given day, most of us only get three servings of produce. Not only can bumping up your intake reduce your risk of chronic illnesses, such as heart disease and obesity, but it may also improve your mood. The more produce you eat, the happier you are -- with seven servings being the ideal amount, according to a study of 80,000 people published in the journal Social Indicators Research.

To sneak more servings into your day, incorporate fruit into your snacks. Have an apple or pear with cheese or nut butter; baby carrots or cucumber slices with hummus; or berries with low-fat yogurt. Or slip some veggies into your main dishes: Your family won’t even notice spinach blended into smoothies; cauliflower puree added to mashed potatoes or mac n’ cheese; or diced carrots, mushrooms and squash mixed into spaghetti sauce.

3. Decorate with greenery.
These days, the view from your window may be gray skies and barren trees. To brighten up your space -- and your outlook -- place a few pots with ferns, flowers or succulents on your windowsill. Researchers from the University College London found that greenery can ease stress and lift a mood, and a separate Harvard study revealed that seeing flowers in the morning bring on happier days.

Have a brown thumb? Tack up a picture of your favorite outdoor scene at your desk. The British researchers showed that simply gazing at greenery could have a mood-improving benefit.

4. Break a sweat.
It’s no secret that exercise makes you feel better. But ramping up your workout may have bigger rewards for your mental wellness. According to a study from England’s Manchester Metropolitan University, people who did vigorous workouts experienced a bigger mood improvement than those who did a moderate one -- and both were happier than their couch potato counterparts.

No gym? Try our sweat-worthy at-home workout. You’ll be grinning after just 15 minutes.

5. Consider a light box.
If you can’t shake your sluggish mood, you may want to consider a light box. These devices are specifically designed to mimic the sun’s bright rays. They can be bought over-the-counter or with a doctor’s prescription; it’s generally recommended to switch on the box for at least half an hour every morning.

Remember: If you’re experiencing a severe and/or persistent case of the blues, always consult your health care provider. 

5 Time-saving Holiday Shortcuts

‘Tis the season for out-of-town guests, dinner parties ... and stressed-out women. But the holidays don't have to be the craziest time of the year. To help you breeze through the season, we asked a chef, decorating guru and stress-management expert to share their smartest and simplest tips. Not only will you look like the perfect hostess, but you'll do it all with time to spare.

Decorate in Minutes
Having a dinner party? There's no need to make a trip to the florist or to glue together an elaborate tablescape. All you need for a festive centerpiece is a glass garden cloche, a bell-shaped cover for outdoor plants that's sold in gardening stores, says Jenn Andrlik, holidays and crafts editor for MarthaStewart.com. Turn it upside down and fill it with it ornaments or pinecones from your yard. Then invert a plate over the open end and turn it back over.

If you have leftover [holiday decorations] or you're swapping in new ornaments this year, this is a nice way to still keep the old ones on display," says Andrlik. "You can put any holiday decorations you have laying around in there and make them look beautiful.”

Keep Candles in Storage
Mood lighting is a must at festive events, but candles can burn out early. Instead, swap them for vases or frosted glass cylinders filled with white string lights, suggests Andrlik. Place them on a table near an outlet, and run the cord over the back lip of the vase -- or out the bottom if there's a hole. (Always check the label first to ensure that the lights have been tested for safety.)

Skip Shopping-center Chaos

Overwhelmed by the number of people on your gift list? Save yourself a trip to the mall and give presents that come from your heart -- and your kitchen. Baking may not seem like a timesaver, but if you can take an afternoon to churn out a few dozen cookies, you've got gifts for the whole family, says Colleen Covey, a chef and recipe developer (and new grandma!) in Orlando, Fla. Just divvy them up into pretty containers."We call my husband the "Cookie Man'," says Covey. "He makes 60 dozen in a variety of flavors.”

No time to bake? Buy some premade biscotti."You can dip them in melted white or dark chocolate to make them more festive," says Covey, "then put a few in a clear gift bag and tie them up with a holiday ribbon.”

Jazz up Simple Ingredients
To avoid extra trips to the store, look for ways to get the most out of the staples on hand, says Covey. She swears by herbed butter: a mixture of 2 teaspoons parsley, 1 teaspoon thyme, 1/2 teaspoon rosemary and 1/2 teaspoon sage mixed into 1 stick of softened, unsalted butter.

Covey cuts off half of the butter and rubs it under and on top of the skin of a raw turkey. She rolls up the other half in plastic wrap (twisting the ends to seal it) and puts it in the fridge to harden. Slice it into coins, and use it to make simple dishes seem gourmet."Mix it into gravy, place it on top of mashed potatoes, or melt a little over grilled steak," she says. The butter will keep in the fridge for seven days or in the freezer for two months.

Sneak in Some Silence
Part of what makes the holidays so stressful is that they seem to whiz by," says Kate Hanley, founder of MsMindBody.com and author of The Anywhere, Anytime Chill Guide: 77 Simple Strategies for Serenity. The cleaning, traveling, entertaining and cooking can run together in a blur.

No matter how busy you are, you can create a sense of calm by spending five minutes in silence each day, suggests Hanley. It could be the cup of tea you drink before the kids wake up, or the after-dinner time spent admiring the night sky with the family."Your kids may only last 30 seconds, but you'll be giving them the opportunity to learn how to quiet themselves," she says. "It'll also give you some time to savor the good part of the holidays instead of zooming from one thing to another."

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Photo: Corbis Images

The Scent of Happiness

It seems to happen when you least expect it: You pass a woman on the street who's wearing the same perfume your grandmother used, and you're taken back to being 8 years old and watching her put on makeup in her bedroom. Or you enter a bakery and the aroma of freshly made sourdough bread transports you to the kitchen in your childhood home, where your dad is cutting into a loaf.

You already know how certain smells can instantly call up long-forgotten memories, but you may not realize that there's a scientific reason behind the phenomenon. "The part of the brain that processes odors, which is called the olfactory cortex, is located very close to the hippocampus and amygdala -- two areas that are involved in storing emotional memories," says Pamela Dalton, an odor researcher at the Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia. "So when you breathe in salty ocean air with a hint of sunscreen in it, that whole section of your brain gets kick-started, which helps explain why you immediately flash back to the beach house your family went to every summer when you were younger."

The Scent-Memory Connection
In fact, a Swedish study found that smells unearth earlier memories better than any other type of cue. Researchers exposed elderly people to a word, picture or odor and asked them to identify their earliest memory connected to the prompt. While the word and picture brought up moments from early adulthood, the smell led them to think of a time before they were 10 years old.

And because their power transports you back to the carefree days of childhood, Dalton says scents can be useful for helping you feel less stress or anxiety. "People don't realize how easy it is to change your mood by purposefully smelling something associated with a time in your life when you felt happy," she says." For example, try keeping a little vial of your mom's favorite perfume in your purse or at your desk to take a whiff of when you feel overwhelmed or upset. The effect is instantaneous."

Create Your Own Comfort

How do you get your own children to connect certain scents with happy memories? Dalton says it's easy; you just have to be consistent. "Apply the same lotion every night before you go in your daughter's room to read her a bedtime story or bake an apple cinnamon pie for every special holiday," she says.

In their minds, those smells will quickly become associated with being nurtured or with festive occasions, and they'll always think of you and their childhood fondly when they get a whiff of it, even decades down the road." You can also use a familiar, soothing smell -- like eucalyptus or lavender -- to ease their stress or discomfort when they're sick or uncomfortable. It makes perfect scents!

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Photo: Corbis Images

Your Holiday Emotional Survival Guide

Between touching family moments and thoughtful gifts, chances are you’re going to reach for the tissue box at least once this holiday season. To help you manage those feelings of joy -- along with the occasional frustration -- it’s helpful to prepare in advance. So before you dive into those decorations and celebrations, consider these four simple ways to make this season even merrier.

1. Give yourself a break. Although it can feel like you don’t have a second to spare, it’s important to take some time for yourself. Even if it’s just for a moment, allow yourself to relax in a quiet place. This will help you feel more in control of your feelings—and prevent meltdowns.

One way to recharge your batteries is through working out. According to a University of Georgia study, regular exercise can increase your energy levels by 20 percent. Plus, it can relieve stress and increase levels of feel-good brain chemicals called endorphins. No time for the gym? Go for a walk, or try our 15-minute at-home routine.

2. Own your emotions. The holidays are full of beautiful moments—like watching your child in the holiday play and opening a handmade gift from a loved one—that can make you well up. A common reaction is feeling embarrassed by those tears. A better way to handle the situation? Be open about your feelings. For instance, say, “I’m so touched by this gift. It means so much to me that it made me cry. Thank you!”

3. Be picky. By now, you’ve probably received invites for events, gatherings and parties from your workplace, child’s school, friends and family. Before you RSVP to them all, consider which ones you really want or need to attend. Focusing on a handful of special events with cut down on stress and help you enjoy every moment.

Rather than give an excuse, decline with a simple “thank you so much, but I’m unable to go” or “I really appreciate the invitation, but I’m trying to scale back on my commitments this year to focus on my family during the holidays.”

4. Create family traditions. By lightening your social calendar, you’ll be able to spend more time doing the things that are important to you. Some of the most fulfilling and memorable moments of the season are family traditions, such making special recipes, caroling with friends and taking in the twinkling lights on a drive. Plan at least one night each week to share to wonder, excitement and joy of the holidays together.

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Photo: Corbis Images